Muttered and Depressed Ramblings

Originally posted on 5/26/08:

I've sort of taken the last few days off. I started my new job a couple of weeks ago and I've been worrying myself sick that I haven't spent enough time working it. But I kind of took the long weekend off. It hasn't really improved my outlook, though.

Essentially, the time I've spent hasn't been that productive, and all it's given me is time to realize that I have very little passion left.

This is a post about my long-lost friend, role-playing.

When I was younger, I looked at everything through the lens of creativity, mostly in the vein of how the real world could fuel the creation of fantasy worlds and games of the imagination. I remember art history in college, and how I applied the different architectures to different fantasy races. This feeling is long gone, with only the barest dregs left to remind me of what I've lost.

I occasionally pick up an RPG -- Star Trek, or more recently, Prince Valiant and Over the Edge -- and begin thinking about them and how cool it would be to play them again. But I glance through, and the rules don't inspire me, and the setting and it's potential don't inflame my spirit with interest or desire. I think, "I'd like to play or run this game," but the feeling's fleeting, and malaise takes over.

I realize I've lost this passion I used to have, and I miss it. I read some game blogs and think of the people, older than me, who are still enthralled by the hobby, and I can't quite see how they can be.

For the first time in my life, I'm rooted firmly in the real world. And it makes me sad.